Saturday, April 24, 2010

Some things from my heart

I debated on blogging about my week. I decided that I would. The biggest reason was that I needed to get some things off my chest. The other reason being I use this blog not only as a "fun thing to do" but also as a journal. I hope my children will look back and see how much I love them. I hope that they will read over my blog in years to come and say "I remember that, that was so much fun" or "that was a really rough time but we made it".

On Wednesday there was a very tragic accident. Our neighbor, Mr. M, was outside on his tractor and had an accident. Later we found out he was pulling logs out of the creek and the embankment gave away and the tractor flipped.

I had been home all day. Usually the kids and I play outside after they are done with their school work. Today we had little Owen and the kids didn't leave his side. Owen is just learning to crawl, babble and play with them. So we were loving it and didn't go outside.

Brian got home from work at 3:45 and asked if I saw an ambulance. I didn't. He ran out the door and said something about a tractor being flipped. I grabbed my phone, threw some shoes on and ran out the door. As I was running down the hill I saw the tractor and called 911.

By this time a neighbor had also stopped and when I crossed the street I saw them pulling Mr. M out of the water. Brian screamed for me to go back to the house.

Mr. M didn't make it.

It has been 3 days and everyday I go over different scenarios in my head. What if I had been outside like usual? What if I just ran out WITH Brian? What if I would have been paying more attention to the things around me? Would I have seen it sooner? Would it have changed the ending?

I sit here and I can see the creek. I see it everyday. When we go outside it's there. When I do the dishes, I can see their house. When I sit on the front porch, when I am out back, when I hang clothes on the line, when I let Bobo out to the bathroom...I see what happened. It replays over and over in my head. I feel like there has to be more I could have done.

I have heard people say the same thing in similar situations and I always feel bad for them. They have to really know there wasn't any more they could have done. Right? I don't know. It sure feels real. It sure feels like I could have done something different.

One thing I know for sure is that I will never know when my time is up. I will never know when my last meal is with my family or if this will be last time I tuck my kids in bed at night. I hope and pray that I make the most of everyday. That my kids never ever doubt how much I love and cherish them. That my whole family knows how much I deeply love them.

Mr. M was a really great man. He gave us permission to use his land whenever we wanted. We fish in the creek, take walks in the woods and Brian takes the kids hunting every year. He would even mow around the creek so that Taylor could get her wheelchair up to the water.

My heart goes out to the M family. Please keep them in your prayers.

I am going to go love on my kids for awhile.

Love, Miranda


Michelle said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. I know that many people struggle with the fact that there must have been more they could have done.

That's a burden I believe God would not have any of us to bear. I pray that He would take that from you and that He would be a comfort to Mr. M's family.

He sounds like the type of neighbor every one of us dreams of either having or being! What a blessing he must have been!

Candace said...

Oh wow, I'm sorry for this tragedy and for Mr. M's well as yours. God is sovereign, and He is just so faithful. I pray that He will give you peace.


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